The Album

Album cover designed by Benjamin Kantschieder.

Happy New Year everyone! We’re going to kick off 2021 with a little “Xmess” spirit. Voldi & the Morts released this album on December 24, 2020. This two-person wrock band comes to us all the way from Vienna, Austria, with Anne Thyr in charge of lyrics and vocals, and Benjamin Kantschieder on music, artwork, and production. All proceeds for this album will be donated to IGLYO, the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer & Intersex Youth and Student Organisation. Let’s check it out!

The Tracks

Last XMESS features Draco Malfoy singing about Harry Potter, with Crabbe and Goyle as background singers. For any Drarry shippers out there, this is a perfect song for you. “My father will tell me I’m special” is definitely one of my favorite lines from this one. I loved the rhymes and remix of the backing track.

The Minister of Magic comes to us with a message: Merry Xmas (There is no war). On top of a beautiful instrumental track, Fudge delivers the message with more of a spoken word than a melody. The vibe and delivery of this song is amazing.

Severus Snape sings the next song about Potter, the Boy Who Lived (A Hogwarts School Board meeting). This parody of the original song is incredible. The instrumental track is skewed into a haunted carnival-type feeling. We also get a few voice clips from Alan Rickman playing Snape from the movies.

The Hogwarts squid is only wishing for one thing: a White Christmas (December is Squid Month). The squid’s vocals in this song are absolutely not what I was expecting, but everything I wanted it to be. Breathy and gravelly at the same time, the squid longs for the Hogwarts castle itself. This song was definitely a favorite for me with all of its hilarious sound effects.

While Harry and Hermione were out on the worst camping trip ever, Ron got to be home for Christmas. Thank Merlin It’s Christmas is from Ron’s perspective as he feasts with his family at Shell Cottage. This song runs at a leisurely pace and has a train-on-the-tracks sound underlining it throughout.

Draco the Iceprince is next up in the album, and is what I would technically classify as “not safe for work!” If you’ve ever wondered what Hermione’s life would be like if she had married Draco Malfoy, this song will give you a good idea. The instrumental melody is skewed with a fair amount of dissonance, and the lyrics are very entertaining.

It’s time to Deck the Halls with Socks for Dobby, which is my favorite title out of all the tracks on this album. We see a darker side to Dobby and what he really thinks of the Malfoy family in this song. His high-pitched voice combined with the deep “fa-la-la-la-la”s really makes this song foreboding.

Oliver Wood’s I Wish I Could Play Quidditch Every Day is next. This upbeat song features not only Oliver, but Fred, Harry, and Katie Bell as well. I love how each verse is a reference to beating a different Hogwarts House at Quidditch. The song ends with a really cool saxophone solo.

Fairytale of Godric’s Hollow has Grindelwald and Dumbledore singing to each other in a waltz. The song starts off very sweet, but the longer it goes on, the more we hear about Albus and Gellert’s relationship and how it turned out all wrong. I love this song – I’d like to hear more songs about this couple more often. I also very much appreciated how the instrumentals matched the lyrics; bright and happy in the beginning, and more dissonant towards the end.

While Oliver Wood just wants to play Quidditch for Christmas, it seems that Draco wants something different. All I Want for Christmas is Harry and His Quidditch Muscles has Draco’s father rolling his eyes. This song is perfect for any Drarry shippers out there!

Oliver Wood comes back in the next song, Broom Ride. I was jamming along the whole time. It has a great bouncy beat, and a pairing I’ve never heard of – Oliver Wood and Percy Weasley.

The last song on the album is Silent Night, Magical Night, sung by Voldemort himself. The calming melody of Silent Night combined with the haunting lyrics of this song make me feel… feelings. Big feelings. No spoilers for the last verse, but it made me laugh out loud. It’s a perfect end to an incredible album.

In Summary

This album is for anyone who loves Christmas wizard rock, LGBT representation, or just generally wants to have a good time jamming out. The thing that really stood out to me about these songs were that there was a ton of content in them that I have never heard (or even thought of) before in any other wizard rock. The lyrics are genius, the ships are amazing, and overall the album is really wonderful. I give this album 100 socks for Dobby!